Talk to your kids
No app setting is stronger than a child who trusts you enough to tell you when something goes wrong.
It’s easy to say “talk to your kids”. It’s hard to know how. This page is about that.
Three principles to remember
1. The goal is not interrogation. The goal is to be the person they come to.
The most important protective factor for a child online is not a content filter — it’s having an adult they trust enough to tell when something goes wrong. Every conversation about their digital life should serve this goal.
If your child thinks “I can’t tell mum/dad because they’ll take my phone”, you have lost the most important safety mechanism you have.
2. Curiosity, not control.
Ask what they’re building in Roblox. Ask who they’re talking to on Discord and what the server is about. Ask because you’re interested, not because you’re monitoring. Children notice the difference immediately.
If you only ask about their digital life when you’re worried, they learn that your questions mean suspicion.
3. It’s not one conversation. It’s a hundred small ones.
This is not “the talk”. It’s an ongoing dialogue. Five minutes in the car. A comment over dinner. Reacting to something in the news. Small, regular, normalised conversations — not a summit meeting.
Conversation starters by age group
👶 7–10 — “Show me what you’re playing”
At this age, children want to show you things. Use that. Sit down with them. Ask:
- “Can you show me how this works? I don’t really understand it.”
- “Who’s that character? Did you make it yourself?”
- “Do you ever talk to people you don’t know in the game? What’s that like?”
- “Has anyone ever said something weird or mean to you here?”
The key: Be genuinely interested, not pretending. If you’re bored, they know it.
🧒 10–13 — “What do your friends do online?”
At this age, direct questions get shorter answers. Indirect questions work better:
- “Which apps are popular at school right now? What’s the appeal?”
- “Have you ever seen something online that made you uncomfortable? What did you do?”
- “If something weird happened online, who would you talk to about it?”
- “What do you think the privacy settings on [app] actually do?”
The key: The question “who would you talk to?” is diagnostic. If the answer isn’t you, that’s information — not defeat. Work on becoming the answer over time.
🧑🎓 13–17 — “What do you think about this?”
Teenagers respond to being treated as capable thinkers, not as risks to be managed:
- “I read that [app] changed their privacy policy. What do you think about that?”
- “There’s a news story about [topic]. Have you seen that happen?”
- “What would you do if a friend was being harassed online?”
- “Do you think age limits on apps make sense? Why / why not?”
The key: You’re not quizzing them. You’re having a conversation between two people. Their opinions matter. When they feel respected, they share more.
What to do when something goes wrong
At some point, something might happen. A stranger might contact your child. They might see something disturbing. A friend might share something they shouldn’t have. This is not a failure — it’s the reality of being online.
What matters most is what happens next.
Stay calm
Your first reaction determines whether your child will ever tell you anything again. If you panic, shout, or jump straight to consequences — you’ve just taught them that telling you makes things worse.
Take a breath. Thank them for telling you. Even if what they’re showing you is alarming.
Focus on what happened, not who to blame
The app isn’t the problem. What happened is the problem. It’s natural to want to shut things down or find something to point at — but your child came to you because they needed help, not a verdict.
If something needs to be reported, walk through it with them. Keep them involved — it’s their experience.
Help the child, not just the problem
Ask them how they feel. Ask what they want to happen. Children who feel heard are more likely to come to you again. Children who feel processed — like a problem to be solved — are not.
If it’s serious, involve the right people: school, police, or a helpline. But tell your child first. Don’t go behind their back unless there is an immediate safety risk.
The goal is simple: your child should walk away from the conversation thinking “I’m glad I told them” — not “I wish I hadn’t said anything.” That single outcome determines whether they’ll come to you next time.
Remember
You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to understand every app. You don’t need to have all the answers.
You just need to be available, curious and safe to talk to. The rest will follow.