Talk to your kids
No app setting is stronger than a child who trusts you enough to tell you when something goes wrong.
It’s easy to say “talk to your kids”. It’s hard to know how. This page is about that.
Three principles to remember
1. The goal is not interrogation. The goal is to be the person they come to.
The most important protective factor for a child online is not a content filter — it’s having an adult they trust enough to tell when something goes wrong. Every conversation about their digital life should serve this goal.
If your child thinks “I can’t tell mum/dad because they’ll take my phone”, you have lost the most important safety mechanism you have.
2. Curiosity, not control.
Ask what they’re building in Roblox. Ask who they’re talking to on Discord and what the server is about. Ask because you’re interested, not because you’re monitoring. Children notice the difference immediately.
If you only ask about their digital life when you’re worried, they learn that your questions mean suspicion.
3. It’s not one conversation. It’s a hundred small ones.
This is not “the talk”. It’s an ongoing dialogue. Five minutes in the car. A comment over dinner. Reacting to something in the news. Small, regular, normalised conversations — not a summit meeting.
Conversation starters by age group
👶 7–10 — “Show me what you’re playing”
At this age, children want to show you things. Use that. Sit down with them. Ask:
- “Can you show me how this works? I don’t really understand it.”
- “Who’s that character? Did you make it yourself?”
- “Do you ever talk to people you don’t know in the game? What’s that like?”
- “Has anyone ever said something weird or mean to you here?”
The key: Be genuinely interested, not pretending. If you’re bored, they know it.
🧒 10–13 — “What do your friends do online?”
At this age, direct questions get shorter answers. Indirect questions work better:
- “Which apps are popular at school right now? What’s the appeal?”
- “Have you ever seen something online that made you uncomfortable? What did you do?”
- “If something weird happened online, who would you talk to about it?”
- “What do you think the privacy settings on [platform] actually do?”
The key: The question “who would you talk to?” is diagnostic. If the answer isn’t you, that’s information — not defeat. Work on becoming the answer over time.
🧑🎓 13–17 — “What do you think about this?”
Teenagers respond to being treated as capable thinkers, not as risks to be managed:
- “I read that [platform] changed their privacy policy. What do you think about that?”
- “There’s a news story about [topic]. Have you seen that happen?”
- “What would you do if a friend was being harassed online?”
- “Do you think age limits on apps make sense? Why / why not?”
The key: You’re not quizzing them. You’re having a conversation between two people. Their opinions matter. When they feel respected, they share more.
The hardest conversation: “What if…”
This deserves its own section because it’s the one parents fear most and the one that matters most:
- “If someone you don’t know contacts you and it feels wrong — you will never get in trouble for telling me.”
- “If you see something that’s upsetting — your phone is not the problem. What happened to you is the problem. You won’t lose your device for telling me about it.”
- “If a friend is in trouble online — telling an adult is not snitching, it’s helping.”
Never punish the disclosure. If a child tells you that something happened online and you take their device, you have taught them to never tell you anything again. This is perhaps the single most important piece of advice on this entire site.
Remember
You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to understand every app. You don’t need to have all the answers.
You just need to be available, curious and safe to talk to. The rest will follow.